Healing Self-Injury

Since the last post was an expose of some of the worst that is written about people who live with SIV, I thought I’d balance it by writing to you about my most beloved resources.  I’ve made the mistake of presuming that everyone is aware that these exist, but it’s been a long time since I’ve mentioned them.
There are two publications that I always recommend to people who ask me for resources.   The first one is a book, Self-Injury: Psychotherapy with People Who Engage in Self-Inflicted Violence, written by Robin Connors (copyright 2000 by Jason Aronson).  I know, it sounds like a boring clinical text.  It is meant for clinicians, but it is not boring and I think anyone and everyone should read it.  Robin Connors approaches the topic of SIV in the kindest and wisest way of any clinician I have ever met or read.  She explores the reasons people turn to SIV, how it serves them, and how to create connections that promote healing.  Not only does she not promote coercion, she advocates against it.  She explores the power of emotions, the impact of trauma, and the centrality of relationship in the healing process.  Not only is the content rich and filled with understanding and hope, but her writing style is warm and inviting.  For example, one of her subtitles is: “Presence as the Heart of Intervention.”  This book is primarily an example of the healing potential that can occur in relationships between people who live with SIV and clinicians who are willing to treat us with dignity, understanding, mutuality and support.  It is a thick book, over 400 pages long, and written for clinicians, yet I think it can serve everyone.  People living with SIV will feel understood and validated.  People looking for helpful therapy can find an example of how it can look here.  Clinicians can find remarkable guidance and wisdom.  Family members and friends of those who self-injure can gain understanding and awareness for themselves in the chapters that address the challenges therapists face when working with folks who self-injure.  I wish this book was available in every library and that it was required reading for anyone in a helping profession.  It recently came out in paperback, so I hope it is less expensive than it used to be (though I must admit I’d never regret spending a good chunk of money to get it).

For those not interested in such a thick text, and especially for folks looking for solutions for their own SIV, I recommend another publication, Understanding Self-Injury: a workbook for adults.  Co-authored by Kristy Trautmann and Robin Connors, the second edition was published in 2004 by Pittsburgh Action Against Rape (PAAR, 81 South 19th St., Pittsburgh, PA 15203).  This 63 page workbook is the most useful “self-help” resource I’ve found.  It helps people living with SIV explore the reasons for their SIV and discover alternatives to self-injury in a very respectful and encouraging way.  The authors acknowledge that SIV does not simply go away, and focus more on self-understanding rather than “making SIV stop.”  They help people feel understood and validated wherever they may be.  I think this manual is a wonderful resource for people of any age and would be helpful for anyone interested in the topic as well.

So, here are two resources I find very hopeful and encouraging.  Are any of you familiar with them?  What do you think?  Other resources we should be talking about?

I recently read an e-mail from a beloved colleague that I must share with you. Recently I’ve been saying that I sense a shift in understanding about SIV, that perhaps people who live with self-injury will no longer be so demonized. Well, I’ve learned that I am, once again, a bit too optimistic. The article she sent me to read verified this.

This article, which came out in the Times on line (United Kingdom) on Dec. 16th, 2009 contained the quote in the heading of this post. This quote was deep in the belly of the article which was focused on women as perpetrators. At best this article intended to point out that women, and not only men, can be predators of children. The author suggested that this is apparently a new concept to many, including those in the criminal justice and mental health professions. So I thought this might be a useful piece.

I was wrong. Instead of looking at the impact of childhood trauma through the lenses of victims as well as predators, considering boys and girls as well as men and women, the author vilified women. And, most upsettingly to me, she vilified women who self-injure. So now women living with SIV (women labeled anorexic were inc luded in the description of self-harm as well) can be presumed to be predators, and also have their SIV interpreted for them, as “sexualized acts of aggression.”
What a damaging and cruel thing to say, especially as the person saying this is a therapist. Here we go again. People living with SIV have long lived under the curse of being labeled “borderline” and I didn’t think there was a worse label than that. But perhaps this tops it. What do you think?

How to survive and create healing environments when so many consider people living with SIV as deviant and potentially dangerous? How to challenge this brutal stigma? How do we find compassion for ourselves and each other?
We can keep finding each other, and supportive people in our lives (whether they have lived with SIV or not) and we can learn that we are survivors, that we are strong, and that we are capable of enormous courage and kindness. We can be living examples that we are not what someone else has judged us to be. We can continue to connect through our words, our art, and our presence here and on the web site and in our homes and communities….. until the change that we can imagine will come true.