Healing Self-Injury

Hello Everyone,

I am beginning to get used to writing this blog and intend to post more frequently. First, I want to thank all of you who sent comments to the previous two posts. They are greatly appreciated. We are beginning to create the community I’ve been hoping for, especially as The Cutting Edge is coming to a close (the final issue of the newsletter is still being written and should be mailed in the next 4 weeks).

So many of your comments raised questions about the difference between healing from self-injury and simply stopping the behavior. Some of you are living with self-inflicted violence (SIV) while others are concerned for those you care about. While I hope that you access the resources on the web site (I’d be greatly interested in your opinions), I have a few thoughts to share.

From the past 20 years of speaking with people who live with, or have healed from needing SIV, the teaching that I do, and my own experiences, I believe that people heal from the need for SIV in many ways. The healing journey is a personal one, yet I hope everyone has support along the way. Support is one of the goals of this blog and web site. Healing cannot be mandated. SIV, while obviously having its consequences, also serves some crucial purposes in the lives of the people who need it. When there are no (or few) other options, SIV can even help someone stay alive in the moment. For many people who live in such emotional pain that they consider suicide as a solution, SIV has been a temporary salve to that pain. The goal is to attend to the profound discomfort that underlies the need for SIV while expanding the options one has for dealing with life’s very intense struggles.

A history of trauma underlies the need for SIV. SIV is one of the ways people cope with the aftereffects of abuse, loss, neglect, disaster and other forms of trauma (trauma can be obvious or subtle). It helps people get by, to attend to their intense emotions, disconnection, and difficulty with expression that trauma brings. As we heal from the trauma, we heal from the need for SIV. While some people find that making an actual decision to stop SIV has been very helpful, others heal from the need for SIV without any direct focus on it. We are each an experiment of one, yet there are commonalities in the experiences of those who have talked to me about their healing over these past 20 years. Coercion and shame are never helpful. Understanding and acknowledgement of one’s strengths are. I have delved into these ideas at lengths and invite you to read the articles on the web site and offer your opinions.

One comment I need to address is the one questioning whether I “support” SIV. This is not an uncommon question about my work, especially in the professional trainings that I do. Because I do not condemn SIV it might appear that I support it. I do neither. SIV serves a purpose in the lives of the people that need it. It also has its consequences. I do not find judging SIV, nor the people that live with self-injury, useful. I have been privileged to witness the healing of many of us who have needed SIV and I have found that few of us truly salved the old wounds (of trauma as well as SIV) in an environment that was judgmental. My SIV has left me with scars, yet it also is one of the ways I coped with what felt intolerable, inexpressible and unbearable. While SIV is, by definition, an act of violence, for me it was an act of self-defense. Now, many years down the road from picking up the razor or the hammer or the match, I can acknowledge that it was one way I coped during some very brutal days and years. It was part of my survival as I began to learn about healing and, now, living. I am so glad I made it to this point!